Rain and Roses
by Gillian Leigh
Summary: She says something she immediately comes to regret. How will she fix things? WARNING: Total fluff. No substance


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Title: Rain and Roses

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Author: Gillian Leigh

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Genre: Drama/Romance (What else do I write about?!)

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Summary: Something she said she instantly came to regret.

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Disclaimer: Don't own the X-Files characters, we all know who they belong to. No infringement intended.

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Author's Notes: Sorry about any grammar errors, I didn't have time to proofread. Grammar nazis, chill a little...

~*~

The headlights reflected off the wet pavement as the car sped away. I stood, trembling in the rain, my hot tears mingling with the cool fall rain. I rubbed my arms, but the friction did nothing to warm my numb body. I stood for another long moment, my head down, before I took a step back towards the steps in front of my building. I looked down and saw the last few roses floating away in the current of the rain water from where they had been dropped in the street. I watched with a leaden heart as they disappeared into the storm drain.

I trudged slowly back to my apartment, and walked through the door, which in the heat of the moment, had been left ajar. I closed it behind me, putting my hands to my head. Ignoring the water dripping from my clothes, skin and hair, I sat on the couch, slipping off my shoes. I raised my knees to my chest, and wrapped my arms around them. I could only repeat the question in my mind.

"What have I done? .... What have I done?" I began sobbing again, resting my forehead on my knees, my entire body shaking.

I was still sitting on the couch, shaking and crying, when I heard a key turning in the lock. I didn't even bother to look. It wouldn't be Mulder. He wouldn't come back, not after what had happened. I heard my mother's voice, 

"Dana?" she closed the door and walked slowly over to me, her wet shoes making squishing noises on the floor. She knelt down beside me, stroking my head with her hand. "Dana, sweetheart, what's going on? You're soaking wet, and you're.. you're shaking..." I raised my head slowly and looked at her. 

"Mom, I did something terrible," I said, not bothering to wipe the tears from my eyes. My mother looked at me, fear in her eyes as she contemplated what I could have done.

"Dana, what happened?" she asked. I took a deep breath. It was so hard to say it; I was so upset with myself. 

"I drove Mulder away, Mom. He-he came here tonight, and I said something I didn't mean, and I drove him away," I said, fighting back a sob. 

"Oh come now, sweetheart, it can't be that bad..."she began, comforting me as she had when I was a child and being bothered by one of my brothers. 

"Mom, Mulder came here tonight, to ask me to marry him," I watched as her eyes went wide, and the droves of tears I could no longer suppress flowed freely down my pallid cheeks. "And I...I told him that I couldn't." My voice dropped off to a whisper, and I let my head rest on my knees again, wrapping my arms more tightly around my legs. My mother, after taking a moment to regain her composure, simply said, 

"You've got to go to him." I looked up at her, with eminent shock in my expression.

"I-I can't. Not after what happened..." I began, watching as she rose to her feet. She seated herself on the couch next to me, saying simply, 

"What happened here tonight is exactly the reason you *have* to go to him."

I watched from the window as my mother drove away. I stood, with my arms crossed protectively in front of my chest. I paced the perimeter of my living room twice before I grabbed my jacket out of the closet, picked up my keys and headed out the door.

My heart was racing as I approached the door of apartment number 42. I stood in front of Mulder's door for a solid two minutes before I could gather enough courage to knock. I knocked three times, quickly yet firmly, and I lowered my hand, shoving it in my pocket as I waited for him to answer. He opened the door, and I watched as his expression changed from that of momentary happiness to absolute resentment. 

"Yes?" he hissed, his teeth clenched. 

"Mulder...I...we need to talk," I said hurriedly, feeling my hands trembling from deep inside the pockets of my coat. He sighed, sensing the emotion in my voice. 

"We have nothing to talk about, Scully." I stared straight into his eyes, which always seemed greener when he was angry or upset.

"But Mulder, we *do* need to talk..."

"About what, Scully?" he asked angrily. "I think you made it pretty clear what you wanted and didn't want when you said 'no'. Goodnight, Scully," he said, shutting the door in my face. 

I leaned my back against the door, and slid to the floor, breaking down. I leaned my head against the door, crying silently. I had ruined it. Seven years of partnership, friendship and respect, were gone. Things between us would never be the same, and it was all my fault.

I was jolted awake when I found myself lying flat on the floor. Where the hell was I? I opened my eyes and saw Mulder standing above me. Oh Jesus, I had fallen asleep in his doorway. I couldn't be sure, but I thought I saw a hint of amusement in his expression. I stood up quickly, brushing myself off. 

"I'm sorry, Mulder," I said, turning to walk away. He grabbed my wrist, and I turned, looking from his hand, my eyes slowly traveled up his arm, and found his hazel ones practically boring into me. 

"Scully.."

"Mulder, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come last night. I should have respected your space," I muttered, dropping my eyes. He stepped closer, touching my shoulder.

"Scully, please, just...come inside," he said, calmly. I followed him into his apartment, watching as he shut the door. "Before you leave, Scully, have something to eat."

"No, really, Mulder. I couldn't. I should be getting home..." I said, knowing the argument was weak.

"Scully, you were right, last night. We *do* need to talk. Please stay," he practically begged. I hated how easily he could make me give in. I relented, sitting down on the couch, after he had taken my coat. There was a lengthy, uncomfortable silence which followed.

"Scully, why did you say no, last night?" Mulder ask, insecurity oozing from every syllable. I searched for a reasonable, clean-cut explanation for my feelings, and my reaction, but I couldn't find any. 

"I-I'm so sorry, Mulder. I just... I don't know," I said, standing. Mulder stood as well, and I crossed my arms, turning my back to him. He stepped in front of me, commanding my full attention. I couldn't wait for his reaction. I feared how much I had hurt him. "I have to go," I said, grabbing my coat and leaving before I started crying, again. I couldn't have Mulder see me cry. I threw open his door and ran down the hallway, forgoing the elevator for the stairs, which were more readily accessible. While running, I threw on my coat, and before I even reached the stairwell, I burst into tears. I heard Mulder's footsteps behind me, and I quickened my pace. 

"Scully!" he called, loudly the first few times, but then, his voice dropped, and all earnest disappeared from it. The last time he said my name, I could barely hear it over my heart pounding in my ears. When I reached the sidewalk, I paused, hoping to hear him bounding after me, but I had no such luck. With my head down, I walked through the early morning drizzle to my car, and I went home. 

~*~

Today it rained, again. The fifth time in the two weeks since I ran from Mulder's apartment, offering him no "Scully-like" rational explanation. Work...was torture. There was less conversation than there had ever been in the past seven years. Mulder offered no innuendos, there was no friendly laughter. We were like a broken marriage, sticking it out for the kids. Except the 'kid' in this story was work. Toward the end of this week, Mulder began to seem a little more like himself, but there was still apprehension, stiff formality in the way he acted around me. 

It was the small things I began missing. Every time we would go somewhere, and we had to walk through a door, he would put his hand, open-palmed, on my lower back and gently guide me through. He used to jokingly pull out my chair for me in the office, and make a grand gesture to it as I sank down into it. He would invite me over to his apartment, and we'd sit on the couch, eating chips, drinking beer and watching corny black and white sci-fi movies he knew all the words to. 

It was thinking of these things, that I found myself, sitting on my couch, my face damp with tears. I had never cried so much in my whole life as I had these past two weeks. Sighing, I rose from the couch to get a tissue, and I reflected on a teary conversation I had had with Mulder at work. 

-"I was afraid, Mulder..." I had said out-of-the-blue. He had looked up at me from the newspaper he was reading, and said, 

- 'What're you talking about, Scully?"

- "I was afraid that if I said yes, things would be different, and different frightens me."

But I had said no, and things were still different. A bad kind of different. A different which was unbearable. 

I was sitting on my couch, drowning my sorrows in a six pack of diet Coke and cheesy sci-fi movies when the phone rang. 

"Hello?" I sighed into the phone, taking another sip from the open bottle in my hand. The voice on the other end caused me to choke on the soda in surprise.

"Hey, Scully." he sounded normal. After regaining my composure, I asked, 

"What is it, Mulder?" There was a long pause, and I heard his breathing on the other end. After a particularly deep breath, he said, 

" I need to see you, right now. I'll be over there in fifteen minutes, meet me at the car." I didn't question anything, and hung up the phone. I felt worried as I padded softly to my bedroom and pulled a suit out of my closet. I chose a light blue blouse, and black pumps. I dressed, wondering the whole time what could be so urgent that Mulder would give me no information, and give me only fifteen minutes. After I had dressed, I ran a brush through my hair before grabbing my coat. I cleaned up the mess I had made to pass the time. I once again glanced at my watch. It had been fifteen minutes. I slipped on my coat, grabbed my keys and headed out the door. I stepped out onto the sidewalk, and found Mulder there, perfectly on time. It was pouring rain, and I was running to the passenger side door when I saw him get out. 

"Mulder, what're you doing? It's raining cats and dogs out here," he came around to my side of the car, with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Scully, I need to ask you something. This is a serious question..."

"Mulder, you can ask me in the car.." I protested, but he shook his head. 

"It'll only take a moment. Now just let me ask you." 

"Alright, I said, pulling my jacket over my head to attempt to keep my hair from going either flat or frizzy. 

"Are you afraid of the future? What the future has in store for us?" I looked at him, puzzled at the question.

"Well, yes, at times... But I know that you'll be there to fight it with me." I answered him, a smile springing to my lips. He paused, returning a smile, though the warmth of his outdid mine. 

"Bearing that in mind, Scully, what you just told me, I have another serious question to ask you," he said, stepping still closer to me.

"Mulder, you'd better make it fast, so I don't catch pneumonia," I laughed. 

"But first, these are for you," he said, pulling from behind his back a bunch of red roses. 

"Oh, my God, Mulder..." I said, cradling them like I would a child. I smelled them, closing my eyes as I inhaled. "They're unbelievable.." I said, opening my eyes. I thought for a moment that Mulder had gone, but then I cast my eyes downward, and saw that he was kneeling in front of me. "Mulder, what...?" I inhaled sharply as he brought the small black velvet box out of his pocket. He looked up at me, water dripping from his nose and chin, his hair entirely sopping wet from the force with which the rain fell. He looked into my eyes, and I stood, in shock, my mouth open, watching him. He opened the small box, took my hand, and said, 

"Dana, will you marry me?" He stood up, and looked into my eyes, and I didn't hesitate before saying, 

"Yes. The answer is yes!" He slid the ring on my finger, and he wrapped his arms around me, laughing. He studied me, and I questioned, 

"What is it?" He smiled at me, and said, 

"I just want to remember everything about this moment." I smiled at him, examining the ring. *My* ring. My *engagement* ring. 

"You know what would make this perfect?" I said, rising up on my tip toes as I posed the question. He leaned forward, resting his forehead on mine so that we were nose to nose. 

"What?" he questioned, smiling broadly.

"If we could live this one moment, forever..." 

"We will," he said, gently stroking my cheek. "We'll live this moment every time it rains. We'll live it every time I hand you a red rose. We'll live it every time we look into each other's eyes. We're going to live this moment for the rest of our lives..." he said. My hand found its way to the back of his head, and his arm drew me in closer. The fact that we were both soaking wet didn't make the kiss any less perfect. We'd been awaiting this moment for seven years, and a little rain wasn't going to stop us. I don't know how long we stood out in the rain, that night. Once in a lifetime, there is a moment this perfect. 

~*~

So many years after it happened, I remember it as if I just stepped through the door, sopping wet, laughing and crying at the same time, holding his hand. Though our lives have changed since then, and continue to change, I only have to close my eyes, and I am thirty-seven again, standing on the sidewalk. I live the moment when he hands me a rose, or when I hear the rain falling. I live the moment when I look into his eyes. Some people have a restaurant they go to when they want to reminisce. They have a table, and a bottle of expensive wine. They have candles, and expensive food. We have the loving looks in each other's eyes, and children we see our behaviors and mannerisms reflected in. And as much as other things may change, Fox and I will always have our spot on the sidewalk and our rain and roses. 


End file.
